The Pentrace Pen Lyric Contest Page 3

June 18, 2002

“Money Money Honey” – Thoth 2002/Al Bundy after ABBA (Money Money Money)

I work all night, I work all day, to buy the pens I have to pay
Ain't it sad
And still there never seems to be a single penny left for beer
That's too bad
In my dreams I have a plan
If I got me a wealthy woman
I wouldn't have to work at all, I'd fool around and have a ball (point)...

Money, money, Honey
Must be funny
In the penshop’s world
Money, money, money
All those LE’s
In the penshop’s world
Aha-ahaaa
All the pens I could buy
If I had a little money
It's a penshop’s world

A woman like that is hard to find but I can't get her off my mind
Ain't it sad
And if she happens to be free I bet she wouldn't fancy me
That's too bad
So I must leave, I'll have to go
To the New York City Fountain Pen Show
And win a new cap in a draw, my life will never be a bore...

It's a penshop's world

Mont Black Sabbath

“Mont Black Sabbath” – Thoth 2002 after Black Sabbath (Black Sabbath)

What is this I see before me?
Pen in black which points at me,
Turn 'round quick and start to run,
Find out I'm the chosen one
Oh, No!

Big black Meisterstück with eyes of fire,
Writing people their desire
Satan sitting there he's smiling,
Watches those flames get higher and higher
Oh, No, No please God help me!

Is it the end, my friend?
My pen habit’s round the bend,
Pen shoppers running 'cos they're scared
Ya people better go and beware
No! No! Please! No!

"My Fair Lady" is one of my favorite musicals, Lerner and Loewe. I don’t know if Jeremy Brett did his own singing, Miz Hepburn didn’t…for some unknown reason.

A Pen That Leaks Like A Sieve

When I found it in my mailbox today
The box had tire marks on one end
And it may have met a shredder on the way
In the middle it had a rather disturbing bend
And I thought this would never come to pass
That I should have to go and kick some postal worker’s a—

I have often shipped stuff with UPS
But the US Postal Service always charges less
I can’t help but sigh
Grind my teeth and cry
I’ve a pen that will leak like a sieve

Is there bubble-pack made of stainless steel
Can a package be designed so that it makes a squeal
Does the postman care
Oh, I could just swear
With a pen that will leak like a sieve

Oh yeah, I requested insurance
Just in case something like this should pass
It is not a common occurrence
But the dent is from the stamp, “HANDLE LIKE GLASS”

So please have a care
Pack it like a Tank
For it may be hit by one
And it is me you’ll thank
Heed my warning do
Or you’ll be crying too
With a pen that will leak like a sieve

Thanks to all who liked American Pens, and I’m sorry I didn’t respond to your posts, but I’ve been working on some other things including this one. I'm also sort of ashamed that there were some typos in American Pens. I hope this one doesn't have any.

With apologies to the brothers Davies

to the tune of LOLA by the Kinks

It comes from a land where they make red sauce
And not the stuff they use to Barbecue at Tony Roma’s
R-O-M-A
Romas.
The guy in the store looked like Don Corleone
He said, “Itsa da very best pen you can own.”
He called it Omas
O-M-A-S
Omas.

Now I’m not the world’s most prestigious guy
But when I looked at the price I nearly started to cry.
Oh my Omas
O-M-A-S
Omas
Now I’m not dumb but I can’t understand
Why it costs a fortune but still leaks on my hand.
Oh my Omas
O-M-A-S
Omas

Well I inked it up and wrote all day
Under the sun of Tuscany.
I put my head between my knees
And said, “If I do it the wife won’t be pleased.”

Well I’m not the world’s most extravagant guy
But when that Arco shined, well I almost fell for my Omas.
O-M-A-S
Omas

I pushed it away.
It fell to the floor.
It rolled to the door.
And it didn’t break!
And I looked at it and it at me.

And that’s the way that I want it to stay
And I always want it to be that way for my Omas.
O-M-A-S
Omas
Pens will be dogs and dogs will be pens
I ‘ll guess I’ll be the laughing stock of my friends(with my Omas)
O-M-A-S
Omas.

Well I hadn’t really looked at pens in a while
And Corleone knew it and started to smile.
“This is the greatest pen that you can use.
I’m gonna make you an offer you can’ta refuse.”

Well I’m clearly not the kind of guy who can think,
As I stroll through Italia with my shirt soaked in ink.
From my Omas
O-M-A-S
Omas.

Pen of Constant Sorrow

Posted by ===Marc on April 10, 2002, 2:41 pm , in reply to "Competition?"

With regrets to George C., who knew he could act?

===Marc "My hair!"

I Am A Pen You’ll Buy Tomorrow

(chorus) Tomorrow throughout your days

I am a pen you’ll buy tomorrow
I'll bring you trouble in many ways.
You’ll bid farewell to vintage Parkers
And all the pens of yesterdays.

(chorus) And all the pens of yesterdays

For six long years I've been on display
No inky pleasures on earth I’ve found
For in this case my bladder’s rotting
My nib a salesman’s teeth have ground.

(chorus) My nib a salesman’s teeth have ground.

It's fare thee well to red hard rubber
I never expect to see it again
For you’re bound to try that new Visconti
Perhaps an Omas or a Pelikan.

(chorus) Perhaps an Omas or a Pelikan.

You can bury me in Private Reserve
But in your pocket, I’m bound to leak
Then you may ship me to foreign countries
Where the repairman makes a dollar a week.

(chorus) Where the repairman makes a dollar a week.

Maybe your friends think you’re a hottie
With your Mont Blanc cracked like a gourd.
But there is one thing that is for certain
You’ll need advice from the Pentrace board.

(chorus) You’ll need advice from the Pentrace board.

“Pentrace Oddity” – Thoth 2002 after David Bowie (Space Oddity)

Ground control to Major Tom
Ground control to Major Tom
Lay your Moleskine down
And put your pen cap on

10
Ground control to Major Tom
9 - 8 - 7 - 6
Commencing countdown, ink pumps on
5 - 4 - 3 - 2
Press your button fill
1
And may God's love be with you

This is ground control to Major Tom
You've really made the grade
And Pentracers want to know
Whose ink you bear
Now it's time to leave the capsule
If you dare

This is Major Tom to ground control
I'm stepping through the door
And I'm floating in the most peculiar way
And my Fisher pen looks different today
For here

Am I scratching with a dry pen
Far above the world
Earth’s Aurora blue
But there's one thing I can do

Though I've written past 100,000 miles
I've still not got a cramp
And I think that my Copernicus knows
Which way to go
Tell my wife I love her very much
She knows

Ground control to Major Tom
Your ink flow's dead, there's something wrong
Can you hear me Major Tom
Can you hear me Major Tom
Can you hear me Major Tom
Can you hear

Am I floating round my tin can
Far above the Moon
Earth’s Aurora blue
And there's nothing I can do

The Pentrace Pen Lyric Contest Page 3

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