Negative Space XVII

By Myra Love

April 16, 2002

 Chapter XVII

It was only ten to four when I got back to the bank, but Jason was already waiting in the lobby. He seemed edgy and greeted me abruptly when I said hello to him.
"Are you ready? I thought you said you'd be here working until four?" he grumbled.
"I had an appointment," I said sharply. "I said four is my quitting time, and it is. And it's not quite four yet."
I walked back into the loan office and sat down to collect myself. Jason's grouchiness had rubbed me the wrong way, and I wished I had stood him up and agreed to talk to Donald instead. I thought about sending Jason off without me and going over to the police station. Instead I went to the water cooler and had a drink. Then on the dot of four I went out front again to Jason.
He looked at me and smiled. "Sorry if I sounded angry," he explained. "I was just surprised you weren't here when I arrived."
I didn't reply, and we locked eyes for a moment. He dropped his first. "Can we go out to the car now?" he asked.
I nodded and followed him.
After we'd gotten into the car, he said, "I didn't want this to be difficult, Lisa. Can't you give me a little help?"
I raised one eyebrow. "A little help with what, Jason?"
He rolled his eyes in exasperation. "You know! Apologizing. Being on good terms again."
I shook my head. "I don't have anything to apologize for. If you have something to say, just say it. And the please take me home. I have to make dinner for my parents."
"Look, Lisa, I'm sorry if you took my getting involved with Diana the wrong way. I thought you knew that once I left for Michigan, all bets were off."
"You call that an apology?"
"Aw, come on, Lisa. We had a good time together, but you're here and I'm in Ann Arbor."
"You're in Ann Arbor? Then who is talking with me right now?" I responded, deciding it might be fun to give him a hard time.
He took a deep breath. "Look, I'm sorry if I hurt you. I care about you. I want us to be friends."
I stared at him. "Well, I'm not sure I want to be friends."
He caught his breath. "Jeez, why not?"
"Because I'm not sure you're the kind of guy I want to have as a friend, that's why not!"
He just stared at me.
"Jason, I thought you were a really honorable person. I'm not sure that's true. I'd like it to be true, but you'd have to demonstrate that it was before I'd want you as a friend."
He shook his head. "I have to prove myself to you?"
I shook my head in turn. "No, you don't have to. Unless you want to be friends."
He sighed harshly. "Okay. What do I have to do? Break up with Diana?"
I shook my head vigorously. "No way! Just take responsibility for your actions, for heaven's sake!"
"Well, that's not all that much, I guess," he replied after a moment. He grinned at me. "I'm glad you don't want me to break up with Diana."
I grinned back at him. "I like Diana," I said. "And I think she'd be good for you. I'll bet she doesn't let you get away with much."
"She likes you too." His grin faded slightly. "And she doesn't let me get away with anything."
"I figured," I said. "So what was she going to do to you if you didn't come and apologize to me?"
His face flushed. "She said she'd start going out with this guy I really hate! He plays defensive tackle for the Wolverines."
That cracked me up, and I laughed all the way home. When Jason pulled up to my house, he asked me if I'd reconsider coming to the party at his house on Saturday evening.
"Diana would like it," he said, "and I'd like it too. And you know, my mom would be thrilled."
"The only one who isn't in my fan club is your grandmother, I guess," I couldn't resist commenting.
Jason shook his head. "Wow, she and Diana really go at it. It makes mom uncomfortable. Me too. But there is no way Diana will stand for anyone acting the way Grandma Lore Harnisch does. Personally I think Diana would get better results is she ignored her, but she won't."
"Well, there are some things you just can't ignore, Jason," I replied.
He laughed. "I should have known you'd take her side. You women do stick together."
I started to get out of the car, when he added, "Oh yeah, bring your sketches to the party. Diana wants to see them."
I closed the door. "I have to study, Jason. If I get enough studying done before Saturday evening, maybe I'll get there. But I can't promise."
He smiled and waved as he pulled away from the house. There was still time until Saturday, though not much. But I had no idea what would happen before then.

For once everything was quiet at home when I got in. Mom wasn't there, and dad was on the phone. He got off and smiled at me, but he didn't look happy..
"That was Arlen Haas, the lawyer the court appointed for Donald. Donald refuses to talk to him."
That didn't surprise me. I watched my dad crack his knuckles.
"He's not talking to anyone who is trying to help him," he added. "You'd think he wants to go to jail, the way he's acting."
I took a deep breath. "Miss Carswell advised me to talk to Officer Searle," I said to him quietly. "And I did."
Dad raised his eyebrows. "Malcolm Searle's boy?"
"Officer Andy Searle," I explained.
Dad nodded. "Yep, that's him. He's turned out to be a good one. Never would have expected it."
"Well," I continued, feeling a bit impatient, "he thinks I should talk to Donald."
Dad shrugged. "Can't hurt to try, I guess. But that boy won't talk to anyone. He sits and looks bored, just the way he used to when I scolded him for running down to the Lewis place instead of doing chores."
"I'll go tomorrow after work," I said.
He nodded. "Yes, you do that." He started to walk towards the stairs and then stopped. "You know, Malcolm's boy was worse than Donald when he was growing up. I'd never have expected him to turn out a cop." He shook his head and started up the stairs.
I sighed. My father suddenly seemed like an old man to me, and I felt sorry for him. I walked into the kitchen, wondering what, if anything, mom had done about dinner. I found a note saying she'd gone to visit Shirley, her favorite cousin and wouldn't be home until late. I was on my own.
The next morning I felt normal for the first time in ages. I'd studied for a couple of hours before going to bed at a reasonable time and I'd slept through the night. I did my chores quickly, waving at dad as he went past me.
"Your mother is at Shirley's," he announced. "She says she needs to stay in town and go to see Donald."
"Do you know when?" I asked.
"When what?" he answered, stopping in his tracks, but obviously annoyed and in a hurry to get out to the field.
"When is she planning to see Donald?"
He shrugged. "This morning, I guess. She didn't say."
I started back into the house, wondering what impact her visit would have on how Donald behaved towards me.
I found out the next afternoon, of course, When Andy Searle told him I'd come to see him, he said he'd had enough family for one day and ordered him to tell me to buzz off, though he used a cruder expression
I was just behind Andy and saw him stiffen in anger but then force his shoulders to relax.
"You sure you don't want to talk to her?" he asked in an even tone of voice.
"I've had enough guilt trips, thanks," Donald replied and then laughed harshly. "Though if anyone has the right to be mad at me, I guess it's Lisa."
Obviously he didn't know I was right there until Andy stepped aside and let him see me.
I shook my head and grinned at my brother. "No guilt trips, I promise," I said. "I just want to talk with you."
He shrugged. "Okay," he said without enthusiasm. "Once our boy in blue clears out, we can talk."
Andy shook his head and sighed. "How about if I let you out of your cage, big boy, and you and your sister can sit in the room next to my office. This isn't a maximum security facility, you know."
"Could have fooled me," Donald grunted and stood up. The policeman unlocked the door to his cell and led us to a small room without windows.
"I'll be next door," he said, pointing to one of the two doors the led out of the room. Then he eyed Donald severely. "The other door is locked, just so you know."
Donald grinned at him, and I didn't see any real hostility in the grin. "Got it," he replied, and Andy left us alone.
"So you're not too mad to talk to me?" Donald asked.
I shook my head. "No, but I think you've been kind of stupid."
He shrugged. "Won't argue with you about that. "Too late to do anything about it now though."
"You could tell the police what they want to know," I replied tentatively.
He rolled his eyes. "I guess the boy in blue briefed you, huh?"
I nodded. "So why not?' I demanded.
"Why not?" he repeated. "Because I'd like to live and stay unmaimed once I get out of jail."
"You don't think the police can protect you?"
He snorted. "Listen, Lisa, the guys I work for aren't kids. They're mean men with guns and they'll use them. Or worse."
"What do you mean worse?" I asked, not sure I wanted to know.
"You remember that kid who got burned really bad last year? The one who used to go to high school in town?"
I nodded.
"Well, he didn't get burned by accident."
I took a deep breath. "So you're saying you're scared to cooperate with the police?"
He nodded emphatically. "You bet I'm scared."
"Have you told Andy, I mean, Officer Searle?"
Donald appraised me for a few seconds. I could feel my face get red. Then he grinned broadly. "Well, well, since when are you on a first name basis with our boy in blue?"
I shook my head. "I'm not," I replied. Then I added a little defensively, "He's a nice guy though."
Donald grinned again. "Yeah, I like him better than that college boy you used to go out with. Even if he is a cop."
"Do you think you could tell him what you told me?"
Donald shrugged. "For all the good it will do me," he mumbled. "He's not running the show. The cops are just tools, you know. The politicians are obsessed with drug busts, and they don't care that I'm only a tiny cog."
I didn't want to argue politics with him. "Do you think you're hooked on grass?" I asked him bluntly.
He shook his head. "There's no such thing as being hooked on grass, Lisa. I like being stoned, but I haven't been since I've been in here. And I haven't been feeling too bad, all things considered. Except when mom showed up this morning drunk as a skunk."
"Drunk?" I repeated the word, stunned.
"Well, maybe I should say slightly inebriated," he replied sourly. "Searle wasn't in yet and the moron who let her loose on me didn't seem to notice."
I shook my head. "I thought there were time limits. You know, like visiting hours."
He snorted. "She did a number on the guy about being a grieving mother missing her little boy. Either he fell for it or was just so grossed out that he let her in to shut her up."
"Dad is worried about her," I said tentatively.
Donald glared at me. "Well, it's his fault she's a mess."
I wanted to tell him is was his own fault but restrained myself. He picked up on what I was thinking though. "Don't blame me!" he said sharply. "It's his fault I'm in here too!"
I knew what he meant, but I didn't agree. Arguing with him was pointless though, so I just said, "Dad has turned into an old man in the last few days."
"An obsessed old man," Donald said bitterly. "All he cares about is the damned farm."
I shook my head. "No," I replied, "that's not true even though it sometimes seems that way. He's more complicated than that."
Donald changed the subject. "I talked to that old witch," he said under his breath.
I didn't understand for a second, so he explained, "Carswell. How can you stand it?" he demanded peevishly.
"How can I stand what?"
"She's a goddamned mind-reader. Doesn't that give you the creeps?"
I shook my head. "I trust her," I said. "She's the sanest person I know."
He shrugged. "Yeah, I guess I can see your point. But just keep her away from me, okay?"
I laughed. "That's not up to me," I said. "But it if were, well, I'd rather have you face her than a judge."
He shuddered. "Not me. A judge can just send me to prison."
I was silent and he stared at me with a strange expression on his face. "You're what they call in denial, Lisa. I'm gong to go to prison. You might as well face it."
I shook my head. "Not if I have anything to do with it."
He laughed without humor. "Well, you don't. So don't get any crazy ideas."
"I never get crazy ideas. That's your specialty."
He held up his hands in surrender. "Okay, okay. I think it's time I got back to my cell before we get into a real argument."
I shook my head again. "I wish you'd think about cooperating so you can come back home."
He laughed at me. "I'm not coming back home, Lisa. Even if I don't do time, I'm not coming back home." Then he stood up and knocked on the door to Andy's office. "Hey, boy in blue, take me back to my lair."